Dont run towards adulthood

Ive been told I need to post more often, but topics dont usually pop up in my head frequently...due to either being too busy to think or too lazy to care.  My thoughts for today are stirred up courtesy of a child in my life...A child, not my blood child, but one that is considered as such.  Actually more than one...but anyhow.  I feel that with my age and experience i have a slight ground to stand on when i send out a pleading to not rush to be an adult.  Not only have i been a victim, but ive watched a few over the years see the err of their ways.  Which leads me to believe that there will be not retaining this info, but instead learning the hard way and believing that unicorns exist...or rather that their situation will be different because they are bulletproof, they are unstoppable (which translates to naive and reckless).  Either way, here goes.  I sit and watch these young adults, the future of our country and im sad.  We have boys that think its normal to drag their pants, throw signs, slap the booty, use women, degrade women because the songs say so.  We have girls desperate to be 'loved' (very skewed) so they pound on the make up, they buy the clothing too small, they naively send revealing pics or videos of themselves to the boys they want so much to be accepted by or loved by, so they will resort to shoving down their self respect and no longer demand respect from the boys.  I say boys, because anyone that would request such actions of these girls are nothing more than boys, boys who werent parented right, boys who werent taught that a female is not something you deserve, but something you earn and youre not earning what she can give you to satisfy your petty desires...shes a potential life partner, someone to share your life with, someone who will be the mother of your children.  As you see this is leaning more towards the children who prompted my random thoughts are female.  Rushing to be grown, yes youre 16,17 or 18...yes you drive, yes you have a job, yes you are somewhat independent, but NO you are not an adult, you are not making wise choices, you are not seeing the consequences of your foolish actions, no you are not demanding respect, no you do not respect yourself.  IF you were making adult decisions as you so much want to be an adult, then you would end any relationship that is not worthy of your time, you would end any communication with someone who requests pictures or videos of you in compromising positions, you would definitely run from any person who lacked such respect for you by sending such things over the internet for God and anyone else to see, you would see that someone older really has no use for someone your age other than a toy.
On the other side, CHEESE AND RICE people, mothers of sons, for the love of God demand that your sons respect women, demand that they treat them as they should be treated....women are not their toys to tinker with and use and if you are out there calling yourself a man, yet you think women are put on this earth for you....step in front of a bus please...while its moving....at a fast rate of speed...you are part of whats wrong in this world!  If you want a less drastic solution, make an appt with your doc and go snip those worthless things hanging between your legs and dont reproduce...raising more idiots like yourself would be tragic.
Moral of todays story: dont try to act grown up so fast, keep your self respect and demand it of others, date your own age, pony up boys and stop being scumbags.

Not in the parenting manual

Being a seasoned parent now ( i like to think)  I want to send out a formal complaint to the writers of the parenting manual....oh wait, there is no manual? WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING THEN!?  Of course there is the 'what to expect when youre expecting' and 'toddler years' whatever.  Can we get a book on "what to expect during the 18+ years"?  Im here as witness or proof that, by God these are some hard years also!  We all think, hey lets get our babies to 18 and PoOf, away they fly...reality is while their taking flight, sometimes as we happily watch them...they drop a big nasty poo in our faces.  Yep, as if to say, everything you raised us with, everything you taught us...well, here it is mom, back in your face.  They then continue to fly around erratically, running into windows, parked cars, bigger birds that want to eat them, huge cats, dogs...these new found wings they cant control and dont seem to have great vision either of the dangers they flutter around.  They are just so clouded with the thought of being that big majestic eagle of an adult.  The erratic flying is representing bad choices, it isnt a thought out process or decision.  The consequences of such doesnt even enter their minds and with poor choices, sometimes the consequences are life altering and permanent.  The smashing into windows represents thinking they see things clearly, it seems fine, i dont foresee anything bad (little voice of wisdom in the form of a parent screaming dont fly there) news flash, you arent seeing clearly.  Bigger birds are out there little ones, they really are...those with more experience, more time on this earth, more time flying, more time making bad choices and such, more time learning how to either help or harm those little birds, more times than not...harming.  Those cats out there, they want to shred your wings, keep you close and use you for their entertainment. The dogs, they wait under the nest and as soon as you leap and aren't quite ready to fly... Falling to the ground they devour you... Lots of times as the mommy bird watches. Us mommies can scream and screech, dive bomb, attack and chase from any of these dangers and it does it no good. We are forced to watch as the thing closest to our heart is ripped away. Children, take notes, this life comes full circle and although we would not wish the pain that we've endured while raising you, trust that it's very likely to come back to you... Only then will you know, I pray you don't, but as always, guess who will be right there to help you. Use the knowledge of us majestic eagles who have survived. May not be what you want, but trust it's what you need.

typeA/B

Its been awhile so i guess its time again for another book of opinions.  as of recent, ive come to realize that there are two types of parents in this world, i see these two parenting types and black and white, but often one of these blacks or whites decide to go gray and test the lines of social acceptance.  When i say social acceptance, i sometimes think maybe its a generational gap but in some instances the gray area spans with disapproval through all generations, meaning its an unwritten rule of thumb so to speak, that is being bent.

first i will describe the type of mother i am.  i cannot speak for fathers, well, because im not one. my husband and i were talking about this this morning and as it was coming out, i thought, hmm i need to write that down.  As a 19yr old, silly, impulsive, selfish teen, the thought of having a child was ‘cute’.  in the mind of a child (myself) having a little offspring is all sunshine and glitter.  so, i started my quest, succeeded.  by the second half of my pregnancy, the thought of having a daughter was like winning the lottery to me.  a clone of myself, a bestie, my mini me….gosh how stupid was i...incredibly stupid.  then the day comes and i get my little dark haired, scrawny little girl after an agonizing 24hrs of pain, which quickly erased any sunshine and glitter that i once let consume my mind. at first it was tough, the adjustment, i was 20...but i cant tell  you exactly when it happened, it was no longer tough.  i dont know if it was how much she needed me to be strong, how much she needed me to protect her, how she looked at me, looked up to me, counted on me for everything...but it was no longer difficult.  i was born to do this, the past life...teenage years ‘im going to do this and that and go here and there, yadda yadda’ were memories that almost belonged to someone else...in fact they did, i was not that person any more.  my purpose was to be the best mother i could be.  it was no longer about me, it was about them. every decision i made, every choice presented to me, every step i took was all based on how it would impact my children FIRST.  I kept them from any danger or damage or emotional hurt that i could prevent, to this day, i doubt any of my FIVE children have seen their father & i have an argument (although those are few and far between).  i live for my kids.  i was blessed with a childhood of my own, i got to be a kid, i got to have no responsibility, now its time to return the blessing to my children and allow them their time, i had mine.  i let myself be consumed by motherhood.  

i say LET because each mother has a choice to let themselves be that type of mother or the other type of mother who believes that in order to be a good mother to a child, they have to have time for themselves, they have to put themselves first to be any good to anyone else.  This is the mother who needs a date night, needs a job for her adult time, needs those things to balance her life of individual and mother.  I cant offer much on this type of mom, since i am not one.  I can say that i do see a very dangerous fine line for this type of mom to fall into a gray area.  the choices made for keeping the ‘individual identity’ can sometimes come dangerously close to being harmful to the children.  trying to find how to keep two separate lives in which neither causes damage to the other, seems like a nightmare!  i sometimes see that the children might be tied with the parents individuality,  in the priority race of the parent.  its so incredibly difficult to wrap my brain around that, since i am the first type of mother and there was/is/never will be a question who rates top on my list.

but hey, whos judging right? well, to be honest, we all are.  mommies like me will judge the other mommies and the other mommies will judge mommies like me.  oh yes i know, judge not,that ye be not judged. but we ALL do it!!! to some extent.

 i think this does have a small bit of generational blame.  the millennials.  The self absorbed, me me me, lazy, entitled, narcissistic generation.  i can see that its hard to devote to anything other than ones self, when you fall into a true millennial stereotype.   

as we all know, there is no book with instructions on how to parent, but i hope i can safely say that both types of parents would agree that they want their children safe….yes??  from obvious danger as well as not so obvious danger &/or potential danger...right?  i wish the absolute best for those type 2 mommies in their quests for keeping two lives separated & keeping out of the gray areas!!  slipping into the gray area, could hurt those babies that didnt ask to be here.  ive noticed  the type a and type b mommies are pretty equal in numbers, so own your type, but remember be black or white, not gray!!  In MY opinion always!!  

Life

I was thinking on how to start my rant of random thoughts, the topic being 'life', so I thought to start with the definition...so funny the first one post entry in google defines it as "a sexually transmitted, terminal disease".  That made me laugh, but its true.  Life is left up to so many different interpretations on its meaning.  One might say to live, is to love freely, be kind, be generous, be all those things that God expects us to be, which is great, but instead of having the expectations of how we are suppose to live, there might be better use for a book on what NOT to do & the fact that you cannot, no matter how fast/far/often you run...you cannot run away from life.  Of course, short pauses here and there to get a breath, have a break, seemingly forget your tragic, stressful, unfair LIFE if for only a few moments or couple of days.  News flash though, guess what waits for you after youve caught your breath? Guess whats been resting as well and will come back at you even harder?  Guess whats been compromised in your breif pause? It simply does not go away, the choices you make in your journey are whats caused you to believe that you need a break from what you feel you cant handle, but who did it??? YOUR CHOICES. YOU.  So we run away, make more poor choices, act in selfish ways, act as if we are a entity all alone in a world and we exist to no one. Fear makes you run, fear of the unknown but also cowardice, there is a difference...courage helps you fight, it takes no courage to run away.  Selfishness, its one thing if you are a single person, no living relatives, independent....to run off and escape, it is an entirely different thing to do that when you have a multitude of obligations and responsibilities, children, parents, extended family...thats just plain selfish.  We all have our crosses to bear, God will never give us more than we can handle and at times, we truly dont believe that statement because its almost more than we can manage.  Im not saying that as humans, we dont need someone to slow the merry go round down a bit so we can catch our footing, im saying that if youre that kid that wants the merry go round to be paused every two minutes...well, youre going to get your ass whooped by some other kids, LIFE (merry go round) is fast, furious, nauseating at times, breathtaking at times, exciting...its so many things, also inevitable! I often wonder if im odd in the way ive lived my life...i have always been stubborn, headstrong, determined & have no filter...once i became a mother at the age of 20, that is what defined me.  I gave everything i had to give & continue to do that.  My fire, my reasoning, my strength, my protection, my caring, love, devotion....everything that makes me who i am as a person...i pour into my kids, as it should be.  I have never backed down from anything, much less from troubles in life...i have met them head on and won! IM WINNING.  My priorities are in check, our God, my family, our lives..the rest will come, with those in check, there is no way to go wrong.  But if you leave any of those out or you put yourself above any, it will crack..MY OPINION.  I cannot even remember the last time i did something...anything....that was strictly for me, oh yea i do, it was when i was a selfish, self absorbed, irresponsible teenager....enjoy those times kids, because when you become an adult, you start adding to your responsibilities...get a husband, add to your life...have babies, new definition of yourself & your life becomes theirs.  To add to the fact that i dont remember my last selfish act...i also have not one desire to have one...every breath i take, every decision i make, every choice i make, comes from considering my priorities, my God, my family, our lives....there is no room in my life for the idea "if youre not swimming in lake me, you dont exist".  Some will not agree, ohhhh you need a little 'me' time....ok, well maybe YOU do, but i DONT.  I had me time...from the age of 0-20...that was enough.  Again, everything in this note is MY opinion, agree with it or not, makes no difference either way to my thoughts.

Sports Life Learning

Being a coach for some odd number of years, the ins and outs of my softball world are on my mind a lot throughout the day.  Today my thoughts were one of the underlying perks of youth sports.  As a coach, I stress that we teach our girls to be thoughtful, proud, strong, loyal, classy, tough, play with honor, be humble, trust & how to work as a team.  This is a perk-  While growing into adulthood, they will be faced with adversity, struggle, hard times, deceit, selfishness amongst many other things that arent super fun.  For that matter, im sure they will see these things well before becoming an adult.  We as adults understand or we should, that you cant control what others do, but you do control how you react to it.  So, a comparison came to mind.  In all the midst of teaching/coaching these young ladies the game of softball, I truly hope that this carries throughout their lives.  A softball team is just very similar to a relationship.  You have a dating period, you get a feel for the coaches, the teammates and how the team runs.  If the dating period is to your liking (child & parents) then you commit.  You say, yes I enjoy what is happening here, this team makes me happy, I blend well, I get along with the others, this is great!  At this point, if it were to be a relationship...this would be a 'honeymoon' phase.  Things are moving beautifully, happy all around.  Next stage is where the comfort factor comes in, you are comfortable with everything and tend to settle in, relax, feel secure.  Important thing here...you cannot be so comfortable that you stop working at the relationship.  It is something that needs constant nurturing.  Any successful couple knows, it takes equal work. You learn SACRIFICE, STRENGTH, REASONING, COMPROMISE, UNDERSTANDING, COMMUNICATION. Same on a sports team.  Then comes vultures.  Anyone/Everyone knows, when someone is in a cute little relationship, all of the sudden they become more attractive.  Girls...ever notice if you have a boy...how all the other boys start sniffing around or the girls start smiling bigger or staring longer at your boy?  Who knows why, but others on the outside looking in think, hmm, that looks great...I want that!  I want what they have!  Again, same in sports, there are vultures out there and for whatever reason, they look in and say..hmm I want that girl..she hits hard or she runs fast or shes great on the field...I want that!  They dont so much want the girl, they want the IDEA of the girl or what she can do for them.  Then the committed are tested & sometimes break.  The loyalty is tested & sometimes lost, the honor tested & sometimes thrown away, trust tested & sometimes gone.  Dont get me wrong, there are some that after the honeymoon, just dont feel right, dont fit in, arent happy...at that point, teaching should be how to communicate your feelings & handle things in a mature fashion, where both parties separate amicably.  But there are the vultures, who pick and pick and pick, trying to get a piece of something/someone that is completely happy in their 'relationship'.  The other side of the coin are those that arent taught the mature way and become the seekers...seeking out for greener grass, betraying trust, being deceitful, sneaky.  Searching for that bright shiny new toy. That person/team that will make them all they want to be...a STAR! but all is lost, those are never taught how to handle adversity, talking through a problem or knowing when there is no more work to be done and the situation doesnt fit, but maturely handling it.  they lose out on learning trust, loyalty, honor.  So in short, not really...if you dont find a sports team/coach that teaches these things to our youth, please do so at home.  Teach them how to handle life, teach them how to respect & honor commitments,  how to communicate feelings, how to walk away maturely.  At the end of the day, the lessons learned & how you acted/treated situations is what is left.  Not the shiny new toy.  And if you are happy with your choice, be STRONG, be LOYAL, be COMMITTED and fight the vultures away.  People will remember the type of person you were, long after youre gone.  As a coach, I will be loyal to my team/girls as long as the same is extended to me.  I will trust them until they give me a reason not to.  I will work for them, with them, as long as they do the same for me.  Its a team effort...a relationship doesnt work unless both(all) sides work equal amounts. Find a team, a family, a relationship, be happy, be strong & carry a big fly swatter for the vultures! (a xeno would probably work great!)

Yep, i said it.

SAMPLE AD FROM ORGANIZED TEAMS SEARCHING FOR PLAYERS: 

Team looking for bodies to fill spots, if you are a hard working, pre-made athlete, who needs no coaching, likes shoveling out thousands of $$ for the pipe dream of becoming D1 in an area where you would have better chances at winning the lottery, we are looking for you!  We offer coaches who wont remember your name, who don’t care enough to know you, who will replace you as soon as you error and above all, cherish the win at all costs.  We boast 5 teams in each age division, with a heavy roster which can sometimes reach 15 new friends and will give you lots of experience at roster swapping, opportunity to meet new teammates every weekend & the promise that it wont be a family atmosphere.  On top of all these amazing qualities, we also offer matching bags & sometimes shoes as well, which will be added on to your astronomical fees.  If you are chosen to make the team, you are also required to pay monthly fees, even in the months that we arent playing, just to retain your number within our organization.  We will require you travel to surrounding states to play in tournaments/showcases (sometimes a week long), knowing that even the JuCos here are recruiting out of state and not even looking at local talent.  When tryouts roll around again, we allow you to try out again for a spot, we even allow you to sometimes pay for said try out, even if we plan to keep you.  All this can be yours, if you are the one chosen to wear our name and play our game.  We promise to suck every ounce of fun out of the game you once loved and enjoyed playing and turn it in to a job, without pay.  Sound exciting?? Come out and show us your worthy. 

SAMPLE AD FROM AN INDEPENDENT LOCAL TEAM: 

Team looking for players to fill our roster (singular).  We need hard working, coachable kids with a love for the game.  We play some local tournaments, including state.  We offer fundraising for families to pay for their fees.  We practice on free fields, don’t have matching bags or shoes and in the off season, we continue to practice when weather allows it as well as batting cages once a week.  We encourage players to work on their skill when they arent at practice.  We will get to know your name and what type of person you are, making it easier to coach you.  We will know your parents and keep in contact with them on our goals with you.  We will expect you to hold yourself to a high standard as a person, respect, honor, discipline.  We will attempt to teach you not only the game, but also life lessons that will carry you through your adult life as a bonus!  The players that make the team, will be your only team through season and future seasons if they decide to stay with the team.  We will treat you like family and you will know we care, we will push you to be better than you think you can be.  We wont travel out of state, instead we will focus on making your summer full of fun memories, without making your parents take out a loan to do so.  We will enforce the family aspect of our team.  If this sounds like something that would be a good fit for you, give us a call and we can set up a time to meet and see if you would be a good addition to our family.

Respect

RESPECT: a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements. 

This is a very important word in my life.  I conduct myself to be a person who is deserving of this description.  I cannot say that everyone shares my morals on this characteristic.  Its a tough world out there and at the end of the day, would you rather have the respect of others or be known as a shady SOB?  Well, for many the latter is the choice made and regardless of whose eyes they lose their respect in, they continue to be sketchy people.   

As you all know the world I spend most of my time in is with my family.  My kids, their children, their sports, their school, their lives.  I would like to think that I have earned respect within that area of my life, with their teachers, coaches, spouses, etc.  I hold myself up to be honest, forthright, strong, protective, fearless.  I do not achieve anything in this life by being dishonest, shady, sneaky, weak or cowardly and I have raised my children the same way.  Anything in this life, you have to fight for.  This isnt a free ride.  At the end of the day, people will have the memories of what type of person you were...they will not have your trophies, your awards, the notches on your belt...they will have what type of person you were, whether it be an upstanding person whom they respected or a snake who couldn’t be trusted further than someone could throw them. 

The extra part of my life, again as you might know, is softball.  I breathe the sport, love it to a fault.  My husband and I have coached for numerous years and pride ourselves on being honest, trustworthy people within the tightnit community of fastpitch.  We fight the sometimes lonely fight of being a team that also tries to teach our players life lessons, while learning the game.  We do not cheat, we do not bend the rules as far as they can go before snapping, we do not try to get away with things we know are wrong, we don’t teach our players to play dirty/hurtful.  We teach them to respect the game, respect the opposing team, respect the officials and respect themselves.  By doing that, they are respecting us.  We work with the players that want to work with us.  We will not give up on a player who has the heart to keep working.  Loyalty.  Although I believe that we are respected as coaches, it still surprises me the actions of other coaches that deem them disrespectful in my eyes.  They will smile to your face and when you walk away, drive a knife in your back.  I guess I am guilty a little bit as I will be civil to these people, yet I know what to say and how much I cannot trust them or how much I do not respect them as coaches or people. I guess that’s part of being an adult, I make sure that I lead a respectful life and that those that I surround myself buy into the same philosophy, all the while reminding myself and others, that this world is full of shady snakes and you either walk the other way or when approached or threatened by them, you do what you can to survive their venom...off with their heads! 

that’s my rant!