Its been awhile so i guess its time again for another book of opinions. as of recent, ive come to realize that there are two types of parents in this world, i see these two parenting types and black and white, but often one of these blacks or whites decide to go gray and test the lines of social acceptance. When i say social acceptance, i sometimes think maybe its a generational gap but in some instances the gray area spans with disapproval through all generations, meaning its an unwritten rule of thumb so to speak, that is being bent.
first i will describe the type of mother i am. i cannot speak for fathers, well, because im not one. my husband and i were talking about this this morning and as it was coming out, i thought, hmm i need to write that down. As a 19yr old, silly, impulsive, selfish teen, the thought of having a child was ‘cute’. in the mind of a child (myself) having a little offspring is all sunshine and glitter. so, i started my quest, succeeded. by the second half of my pregnancy, the thought of having a daughter was like winning the lottery to me. a clone of myself, a bestie, my mini me….gosh how stupid was i...incredibly stupid. then the day comes and i get my little dark haired, scrawny little girl after an agonizing 24hrs of pain, which quickly erased any sunshine and glitter that i once let consume my mind. at first it was tough, the adjustment, i was 20...but i cant tell you exactly when it happened, it was no longer tough. i dont know if it was how much she needed me to be strong, how much she needed me to protect her, how she looked at me, looked up to me, counted on me for everything...but it was no longer difficult. i was born to do this, the past life...teenage years ‘im going to do this and that and go here and there, yadda yadda’ were memories that almost belonged to someone else...in fact they did, i was not that person any more. my purpose was to be the best mother i could be. it was no longer about me, it was about them. every decision i made, every choice presented to me, every step i took was all based on how it would impact my children FIRST. I kept them from any danger or damage or emotional hurt that i could prevent, to this day, i doubt any of my FIVE children have seen their father & i have an argument (although those are few and far between). i live for my kids. i was blessed with a childhood of my own, i got to be a kid, i got to have no responsibility, now its time to return the blessing to my children and allow them their time, i had mine. i let myself be consumed by motherhood.
i say LET because each mother has a choice to let themselves be that type of mother or the other type of mother who believes that in order to be a good mother to a child, they have to have time for themselves, they have to put themselves first to be any good to anyone else. This is the mother who needs a date night, needs a job for her adult time, needs those things to balance her life of individual and mother. I cant offer much on this type of mom, since i am not one. I can say that i do see a very dangerous fine line for this type of mom to fall into a gray area. the choices made for keeping the ‘individual identity’ can sometimes come dangerously close to being harmful to the children. trying to find how to keep two separate lives in which neither causes damage to the other, seems like a nightmare! i sometimes see that the children might be tied with the parents individuality, in the priority race of the parent. its so incredibly difficult to wrap my brain around that, since i am the first type of mother and there was/is/never will be a question who rates top on my list.
but hey, whos judging right? well, to be honest, we all are. mommies like me will judge the other mommies and the other mommies will judge mommies like me. oh yes i know, judge not,that ye be not judged. but we ALL do it!!! to some extent.
i think this does have a small bit of generational blame. the millennials. The self absorbed, me me me, lazy, entitled, narcissistic generation. i can see that its hard to devote to anything other than ones self, when you fall into a true millennial stereotype.
as we all know, there is no book with instructions on how to parent, but i hope i can safely say that both types of parents would agree that they want their children safe….yes?? from obvious danger as well as not so obvious danger &/or potential danger...right? i wish the absolute best for those type 2 mommies in their quests for keeping two lives separated & keeping out of the gray areas!! slipping into the gray area, could hurt those babies that didnt ask to be here. ive noticed the type a and type b mommies are pretty equal in numbers, so own your type, but remember be black or white, not gray!! In MY opinion always!!
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