Life

I was thinking on how to start my rant of random thoughts, the topic being 'life', so I thought to start with the definition...so funny the first one post entry in google defines it as "a sexually transmitted, terminal disease".  That made me laugh, but its true.  Life is left up to so many different interpretations on its meaning.  One might say to live, is to love freely, be kind, be generous, be all those things that God expects us to be, which is great, but instead of having the expectations of how we are suppose to live, there might be better use for a book on what NOT to do & the fact that you cannot, no matter how fast/far/often you run...you cannot run away from life.  Of course, short pauses here and there to get a breath, have a break, seemingly forget your tragic, stressful, unfair LIFE if for only a few moments or couple of days.  News flash though, guess what waits for you after youve caught your breath? Guess whats been resting as well and will come back at you even harder?  Guess whats been compromised in your breif pause? It simply does not go away, the choices you make in your journey are whats caused you to believe that you need a break from what you feel you cant handle, but who did it??? YOUR CHOICES. YOU.  So we run away, make more poor choices, act in selfish ways, act as if we are a entity all alone in a world and we exist to no one. Fear makes you run, fear of the unknown but also cowardice, there is a difference...courage helps you fight, it takes no courage to run away.  Selfishness, its one thing if you are a single person, no living relatives, independent....to run off and escape, it is an entirely different thing to do that when you have a multitude of obligations and responsibilities, children, parents, extended family...thats just plain selfish.  We all have our crosses to bear, God will never give us more than we can handle and at times, we truly dont believe that statement because its almost more than we can manage.  Im not saying that as humans, we dont need someone to slow the merry go round down a bit so we can catch our footing, im saying that if youre that kid that wants the merry go round to be paused every two minutes...well, youre going to get your ass whooped by some other kids, LIFE (merry go round) is fast, furious, nauseating at times, breathtaking at times, exciting...its so many things, also inevitable! I often wonder if im odd in the way ive lived my life...i have always been stubborn, headstrong, determined & have no filter...once i became a mother at the age of 20, that is what defined me.  I gave everything i had to give & continue to do that.  My fire, my reasoning, my strength, my protection, my caring, love, devotion....everything that makes me who i am as a person...i pour into my kids, as it should be.  I have never backed down from anything, much less from troubles in life...i have met them head on and won! IM WINNING.  My priorities are in check, our God, my family, our lives..the rest will come, with those in check, there is no way to go wrong.  But if you leave any of those out or you put yourself above any, it will crack..MY OPINION.  I cannot even remember the last time i did something...anything....that was strictly for me, oh yea i do, it was when i was a selfish, self absorbed, irresponsible teenager....enjoy those times kids, because when you become an adult, you start adding to your responsibilities...get a husband, add to your life...have babies, new definition of yourself & your life becomes theirs.  To add to the fact that i dont remember my last selfish act...i also have not one desire to have one...every breath i take, every decision i make, every choice i make, comes from considering my priorities, my God, my family, our lives....there is no room in my life for the idea "if youre not swimming in lake me, you dont exist".  Some will not agree, ohhhh you need a little 'me' time....ok, well maybe YOU do, but i DONT.  I had me time...from the age of 0-20...that was enough.  Again, everything in this note is MY opinion, agree with it or not, makes no difference either way to my thoughts.