Yep, i said it.

SAMPLE AD FROM ORGANIZED TEAMS SEARCHING FOR PLAYERS: 

Team looking for bodies to fill spots, if you are a hard working, pre-made athlete, who needs no coaching, likes shoveling out thousands of $$ for the pipe dream of becoming D1 in an area where you would have better chances at winning the lottery, we are looking for you!  We offer coaches who wont remember your name, who don’t care enough to know you, who will replace you as soon as you error and above all, cherish the win at all costs.  We boast 5 teams in each age division, with a heavy roster which can sometimes reach 15 new friends and will give you lots of experience at roster swapping, opportunity to meet new teammates every weekend & the promise that it wont be a family atmosphere.  On top of all these amazing qualities, we also offer matching bags & sometimes shoes as well, which will be added on to your astronomical fees.  If you are chosen to make the team, you are also required to pay monthly fees, even in the months that we arent playing, just to retain your number within our organization.  We will require you travel to surrounding states to play in tournaments/showcases (sometimes a week long), knowing that even the JuCos here are recruiting out of state and not even looking at local talent.  When tryouts roll around again, we allow you to try out again for a spot, we even allow you to sometimes pay for said try out, even if we plan to keep you.  All this can be yours, if you are the one chosen to wear our name and play our game.  We promise to suck every ounce of fun out of the game you once loved and enjoyed playing and turn it in to a job, without pay.  Sound exciting?? Come out and show us your worthy. 

SAMPLE AD FROM AN INDEPENDENT LOCAL TEAM: 

Team looking for players to fill our roster (singular).  We need hard working, coachable kids with a love for the game.  We play some local tournaments, including state.  We offer fundraising for families to pay for their fees.  We practice on free fields, don’t have matching bags or shoes and in the off season, we continue to practice when weather allows it as well as batting cages once a week.  We encourage players to work on their skill when they arent at practice.  We will get to know your name and what type of person you are, making it easier to coach you.  We will know your parents and keep in contact with them on our goals with you.  We will expect you to hold yourself to a high standard as a person, respect, honor, discipline.  We will attempt to teach you not only the game, but also life lessons that will carry you through your adult life as a bonus!  The players that make the team, will be your only team through season and future seasons if they decide to stay with the team.  We will treat you like family and you will know we care, we will push you to be better than you think you can be.  We wont travel out of state, instead we will focus on making your summer full of fun memories, without making your parents take out a loan to do so.  We will enforce the family aspect of our team.  If this sounds like something that would be a good fit for you, give us a call and we can set up a time to meet and see if you would be a good addition to our family.

Respect

RESPECT: a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements. 

This is a very important word in my life.  I conduct myself to be a person who is deserving of this description.  I cannot say that everyone shares my morals on this characteristic.  Its a tough world out there and at the end of the day, would you rather have the respect of others or be known as a shady SOB?  Well, for many the latter is the choice made and regardless of whose eyes they lose their respect in, they continue to be sketchy people.   

As you all know the world I spend most of my time in is with my family.  My kids, their children, their sports, their school, their lives.  I would like to think that I have earned respect within that area of my life, with their teachers, coaches, spouses, etc.  I hold myself up to be honest, forthright, strong, protective, fearless.  I do not achieve anything in this life by being dishonest, shady, sneaky, weak or cowardly and I have raised my children the same way.  Anything in this life, you have to fight for.  This isnt a free ride.  At the end of the day, people will have the memories of what type of person you were...they will not have your trophies, your awards, the notches on your belt...they will have what type of person you were, whether it be an upstanding person whom they respected or a snake who couldn’t be trusted further than someone could throw them. 

The extra part of my life, again as you might know, is softball.  I breathe the sport, love it to a fault.  My husband and I have coached for numerous years and pride ourselves on being honest, trustworthy people within the tightnit community of fastpitch.  We fight the sometimes lonely fight of being a team that also tries to teach our players life lessons, while learning the game.  We do not cheat, we do not bend the rules as far as they can go before snapping, we do not try to get away with things we know are wrong, we don’t teach our players to play dirty/hurtful.  We teach them to respect the game, respect the opposing team, respect the officials and respect themselves.  By doing that, they are respecting us.  We work with the players that want to work with us.  We will not give up on a player who has the heart to keep working.  Loyalty.  Although I believe that we are respected as coaches, it still surprises me the actions of other coaches that deem them disrespectful in my eyes.  They will smile to your face and when you walk away, drive a knife in your back.  I guess I am guilty a little bit as I will be civil to these people, yet I know what to say and how much I cannot trust them or how much I do not respect them as coaches or people. I guess that’s part of being an adult, I make sure that I lead a respectful life and that those that I surround myself buy into the same philosophy, all the while reminding myself and others, that this world is full of shady snakes and you either walk the other way or when approached or threatened by them, you do what you can to survive their venom...off with their heads! 

that’s my rant!

Simply live..

Something I have always struggled with-jealousy.  As a child, jealous of the kids with the name brand clothes, the big houses, the disney vacations or vacations in general, being able to have dinner out all the time, having a car at 16, getting the nails done, the hair did...you get the point.  Not until you are away from home raising your kids do you start to realize the quote INSTEAD OF BEING UPSET WITH WHAT YOU DONT HAVE, FOCUS ON BEING HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU DO HAVE, holds so much truth.  I look back now and i can say, what i wore didnt matter, my house was homey & cozy, instead of meeting an irrelevant disney princess, i learned to paint a wicked design on rocks we found along our walks, i could make awesome mud pies & learned to dodge chinese throwing stars (thrown by my brother) by hiding behind bales of hay, i learned to love the crap out of spam & snow capped hotdogs!, I learned to milk a goat!, to ride a horse, to shoot.   i learned how to be creative with my own nail polish & i went to school to learn to do the hair do's!  My mother did her best as a single mother & despite what I thought at the time that I was mistreated, I SURVIVED!  My mother did more for me (without even trying) than any disney vacation ever could.  By not having a car on my 16th birthday, instead borrowing hers IF I behaved and working towards buying my own, taught me to appreciate things.  Starting out a young couple, we struggled, we drove crap cars, but they got us where we needed to go, we lived in what we could afford, not our dream house, but it was a roof.  we ate spam, hamburger helper, ramen and we lived...we started our family and they lived, thrived.  They never had nikes before they could walk, eddie bauer car seats, outfits from the childrens place.  Our vacations consisted of making it to grammas lake during the summer, but they loved it.   

So now as we have two of our babies out on their own & we see them struggle, just like we did...i hope they hear the quote over and over in their heads.  Time wasted on being mad with what you don’t have, takes away all the joy you can find with what you do have.  To my girls, you have a roof, food, water, vehicles, healthy children. husbands who love you....when there are homeless families, starving children, sick families, abused wives with no hope.  I would love nothing more than to be able to take away all the things in your life that you consider hardships.  i wish I could win the lottery and buy you both houses and the cars of your dreams and that you would be comfortable for the rest of your lives.  Ask yourselves this, would it mean anything if you had to trade the things that you DO have for the things you DON’T? 

Im not going to lie, I still get jealous as an adult.  I get mad that my kids don’t get brand new cars, shopping sprees, cruises, trips to the ocean.  I get mad when I see adults getting things I think would be awesome to have...but I step back and think...would I trade one of my blessings for that...nahhh.  i have 5 healthy kids, 4 amazing grands, a best friend that makes me laugh and is by my side every day and is the best daddy ever.  i have a mother that raised me to value things and be happy, just being.., simply! 

As my husband and I are climbing through our 40's, things are easing up, the struggle is not as hard.  We are able to have nicer things than we did in our 20s.  We are able to be our kids safety net...whether it be in the form of day care, cleaning out a pantry, taking up the slack here and there, but still making sure they know, its not easy, life is not easy...you have to work hard and it doesn’t happen over night, or in a year, maybe not even 5 years!  But somehow, even in our darkest of times, we were always taken care of.  we were always watched after and always presented with a way of surviving ….a way of fighting to make it.  an opportunity to succeed.  

I will never be one to brag about anything, I would just as soon no one know that I get new shoes, clothes, cars, house or that my kids get anything new, clothes, electronics, etc because I don’t want anyone feeling jealous of the things we have.  I will say it again in closing...Look at your life and be happy with what you have instead of wishing you had more/different things or something that someone else has.  Understand that I can say we survived and it WILL get better, might not get easier, but it will get better...the more you let go of jealousy and embrace the way it is...acceptance.   

Raise MEN

Today I'm distraught with our younger generation and yes I am full on blaming the parents for this.  Since when is it ok to raise your children to be liars, cheats, hateful pieces of sh!t?  When did the chapter on manners, behavior, morals & standards needed to become a man, get torn out of the parents manual?  Oh there is no manual? so we just wing it...well, if it were a subject in college to take or a class to take as an adult to teach proper raising of kids...we would have a plethora of failures...wait, we DO have a plethora of failure parents.  Silly me, here I assume that we teach our kids to always tell the truth, its easier to keep track of the story when its true, it builds character to take any consequences that may be incurred due to the situation, it shows an upstanding quality as you venture in to adulthood, if you were taught this as a child.  I have successfully raised and am still raising 5 children.  My 2 oldest are out of the house, married, kids of their own and raising them properly.  My daughter at home is now dealing with an incident that fault is clearly upon someone else, yet this waste who is involved with said incident, was raised to lie, cheat and you can do anything you want and get away with it.  To take things even further, the boy in question, has collected all his worthless bro-code friends and convinced them to back his story which is void of any truth whatsoever.  To make a long story short, or ...attempt at making it short:
1. if you have a son, raise him honest, truthful, polite, trustworthy, loyal.  Raise him to be the type of man you would want your daughter to marry.  Don't sit back and allow him to be a worthless waste of skin and oxygen in society.
2. raise him to stand up when something isn't right, fight for those that are being wronged, be a voice for those who have none, have some frickin balls!!! even if it means standing alone. 
3. don't allow him to go along with someone who is worthless, just cause he wants to be popular, or friends with the star, or afraid of the backlash that might happen if he does stand up for victims.
I believe in karma.  its a dish best served cold.  I hope that it touches every single person who stood behind the liar and every single person who didn't stand up for the victim, cause in my eyes, youre just as guilty as the liar.  youre just as bad.  I hope it haunts you forever.  I hope that the sight of yourself in a mirror makes you physically ill, as it does me any time I see your face.  if when I die, I get an option to come back as a ghost, I'll be looking each of you up and tormenting the living shit right out of you...on the daily.
I would be mortified to parent a child who acts this way and I wouldn't tolerate it, but that would have started at a young age, when you teach your frickin kids respect, honor, morals and how to grow up to be a decent man.  something that this boy will never be!

Deja Frickin Vu

When is it too much? 

My daughter has been playing softball since she was 9yrs old, she is now a month away from being 16.  Her dad and I have always been her coaches and we have never forced her to play, it has always been her choice, because she loves the game.  The game is fun to her, as it should be.  So now, we enter in to our 2nd year of high school ball and I'm scared.  Not because of anything other than her expressed disinterest in playing.  She doesn’t have the love for the game at this moment.  Maybe its not that she doesn’t love the game, maybe she just isnt fond of the situation in which she will play the game.  Not excited about the teammates, the coaches, the over abundance of practice, the yelling, the demeaning, etc.  I think she still loves the game, but not this way.   

When something you love, a game, becomes a chore, a job, it loses its fun.  The game to her now, is a chore.  The 5 day a week practices that she cant miss or she will be benched, similar to a job...if you miss work too often youre fired.  Shes almost 16, she has this school season and 2 more after, she has 4 summers left of softball, then its done.  This is suppose to be the best time of her life, fun, carefree, loving every part of her life, yet shes in turmoil about whether she wants to play for her school or not.   

So when is it too much?  The choices shes made in her life have always been hers and we explain that making this choice she might quickly regret, but its hers to make.  she will miss it for these next two months if she backs away.  I realize the desire to win and the importance of practice, but I've also seen my fair share of burn outs, kids who lose their love due to being pushed too hard, too often and who have had the fun sucked straight out of the game they once loved.  This is where I'm at.   

I will not even pretend to know what its like to coach a high school team, but for my summer team, I will promise to never be a 'fun sucker', yes we will practice, yes we will work hard, yes we will play strong, yes I will expect 100% from each player, BUT...i will NOT make you feel like youre an idiot, child, stupid, or incompetent to play the game, I will not work you for 3 hours/ 5 days a week, I will not treat you like a number.  I will keep it fun for each player I coach. 

As I sit and wonder if my kid is burned out or what the issue is, I lay complete blame on the structure of the high school program.  In coaching, you have to have a shred of humanity to let the girls know that they are important to you, that they are more than a piece in your game.  Know their name, know how they react and which form of coaching to use on them.  Some take to the yelling, some do not.  Some take a little more than another one might.  Its similar to parenting, not every child can be raised the same, with the same punishments, the same guidelines, etc.  Once you step away from that personal side of being a coach, you will lose your players.  They will no longer want to make you proud, they will no longer want to play hard.  Their love of the game is gone and they will never play at their full potential without the love for the sport.  Heart, desire, drive, LOVE of the game is what makes a player great and behind that stands a coach that truly cares for, pushes in a positive way and makes that journey WITH their players. 

As I write this, I thought, wow I should have a blog...well I remembered having one, so I found the old thing, brushed it up a bit and looked back at the old posts.  how strange that almost a year to the exact date, this issue troubled me before.  I will still post this, as I find it interesting