When is it too much?
My daughter has been playing softball since she was 9yrs old, she is now a month away from being 16. Her dad and I have always been her coaches and we have never forced her to play, it has always been her choice, because she loves the game. The game is fun to her, as it should be. So now, we enter in to our 2nd year of high school ball and I'm scared. Not because of anything other than her expressed disinterest in playing. She doesn’t have the love for the game at this moment. Maybe its not that she doesn’t love the game, maybe she just isnt fond of the situation in which she will play the game. Not excited about the teammates, the coaches, the over abundance of practice, the yelling, the demeaning, etc. I think she still loves the game, but not this way.
When something you love, a game, becomes a chore, a job, it loses its fun. The game to her now, is a chore. The 5 day a week practices that she cant miss or she will be benched, similar to a job...if you miss work too often youre fired. Shes almost 16, she has this school season and 2 more after, she has 4 summers left of softball, then its done. This is suppose to be the best time of her life, fun, carefree, loving every part of her life, yet shes in turmoil about whether she wants to play for her school or not.
So when is it too much? The choices shes made in her life have always been hers and we explain that making this choice she might quickly regret, but its hers to make. she will miss it for these next two months if she backs away. I realize the desire to win and the importance of practice, but I've also seen my fair share of burn outs, kids who lose their love due to being pushed too hard, too often and who have had the fun sucked straight out of the game they once loved. This is where I'm at.
I will not even pretend to know what its like to coach a high school team, but for my summer team, I will promise to never be a 'fun sucker', yes we will practice, yes we will work hard, yes we will play strong, yes I will expect 100% from each player, BUT...i will NOT make you feel like youre an idiot, child, stupid, or incompetent to play the game, I will not work you for 3 hours/ 5 days a week, I will not treat you like a number. I will keep it fun for each player I coach.
As I sit and wonder if my kid is burned out or what the issue is, I lay complete blame on the structure of the high school program. In coaching, you have to have a shred of humanity to let the girls know that they are important to you, that they are more than a piece in your game. Know their name, know how they react and which form of coaching to use on them. Some take to the yelling, some do not. Some take a little more than another one might. Its similar to parenting, not every child can be raised the same, with the same punishments, the same guidelines, etc. Once you step away from that personal side of being a coach, you will lose your players. They will no longer want to make you proud, they will no longer want to play hard. Their love of the game is gone and they will never play at their full potential without the love for the sport. Heart, desire, drive, LOVE of the game is what makes a player great and behind that stands a coach that truly cares for, pushes in a positive way and makes that journey WITH their players.
As I write this, I thought, wow I should have a blog...well I remembered having one, so I found the old thing, brushed it up a bit and looked back at the old posts. how strange that almost a year to the exact date, this issue troubled me before. I will still post this, as I find it interesting
No comments:
Post a Comment